Furious Updates

Furious Seasons linked to this article about an internist who forgot about an incident with an Eli Lilly rep — until recently. Great excerpts:

     "I was reminded of the incident last week when news reports emerged that Eli Lilly had reportedly urged primary care doctors to use the drug for elderly patients with symptoms of dementia. The company has denied promoting the drug for off-label uses.
     The reports highlighted for me the crucial role that internists and other primary care doctors play in screening for psychiatric illnesses but also in knowing when to refer these patients for proper treatment. Although psychiatrists are not always available and not all patients are willing to see them, doctors must carve out our areas of expertise in keeping with our training and experience, and depression and psychosis are simply not my areas as an internist.
     I tell [patients] that this cost-benefit decision [of prescribing medicines] should be made in conjunction with the patient's psychiatrist, not solely by an internist placed under pressure by a salesperson."

To read this article, you must register with the LA Times' Web site. If you don't want to do that, just type in the following to get to the article:
          E-mail: bugmenot@bmn.com
          Password: dontbugme

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Drugging of the Bipolar Mind

From Philip Dawdy's article, "The Drugging of the American Mind," originally published in the Seattle Weekly:

"Classically, the disorder is treated with a mood stabilizer. Lithium was long the gold standard. In recent years, there has been a shift to anticonvulsants like Depakote or Lamictal. Often, bipolars are also given an antidepressant like Paxil or Effexor to deal with bouts of depression. Until 2000, the mood stabilizer plus antidepressant approach was essentially the state-of-the-art treatment. It just doesn't knock down symptoms forever.

Bipolars can "break through" these meds and wind up having acute episodes of rage or suicidal depression."

Wow. The article was published just over a year ago and it describes me to a T today. Well done, Mr. Dawdy, for seeing my future.

"This is an awkward time for mental- health experts, researchers, and advocates. This month, a peer-reviewed academic paper was published on the Public Library of Science Web site pointing out that researchers still have not proved the serotonin-imbalance-in-the-brain hypothesis of depression. What proof there is, the authors claim, is mostly circumstantial. Two weeks ago, The Wall Street Journal ran an article covering the same points in relation to antidepressants."

That was in November 2005. It's good to know that I'm not the only one that sees the neurotransmitter link to mental illness as merely a hypothesis and NOT fact. Many people don't know that at the bottom of each psych med Web site and in the important safety information sheet that comes with a psych med basically says, "We're not exactly sure how this works." Well, gee, thanks for allowing me to take a risk about something you're not even sure about!

Praise to Dawdy, amazing blogger for Furious Seaons,  for uncovering much of this information that most people in America don't want to cover or are too lazy to educate themselves about.

Identification

I identify with Dawdy’s article on a variety of grounds and many of his words have me thinking.

“Mostly, the suicidal show no clues that they are on dangerous ground.”

This is true for me only with people I don’t know. When people at work, friends, or family see me, they think that all is right in my world. I’m the type of person who keeps a pleasant expression fixed on her face and in general, has a bubbly, cheery attitude. (Co-workers, acquaintances, and casual friends would never know how negative and pessimistic I am.) If people found out that I struggled with depression to the extent of attempting suicide on 10 different occasions, they’d all be shocked because it doesn’t seem to jive with my “personality.”

People who really know me — those closest to me — know that when I’m suicidal, it’s extremely hard for me to not show. I withdraw from social contact, refuse to make eye contact, become extremely quiet or reply with a succession of short, one-word answers to questions, or corner myself in a seat or in bed with my head hanging down, eyes spacing off into somewhere. Those who know me should and can know when I’m suicidal. It becomes so obvious that I don’t need to say anything. I usually don’t tell anyone, but my body language speaks volumes.

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The Suicide Matrix

"There are three kinds of people in the suicide matrix: those who succeed, those who try it and live, and those who are hounded by suicidal thoughts—ideators, as they are known in the literature." — Philip Dawdy, "One Suicide Too Many," the Seattle Weekly

I'm both a suicide survivor and an ideator. I've tried overdosing on pills many times to no avail. I've also tried jumping out of cars. Each time, the driver has caught me before I could roll out into the street. Most of my other "attempts" have been strong ideations: drinking Windex, stabbing myself, shooting myself in the head, driving my car into a wall, jumping in front of a train, jumping off a high building — TO NAME A FEW.

I'm not proud of it; the list could go on and on. I identify with Dawdy's words in his SW article:

"In each case, there was little warning. One minute I'd be muddling through a weeks-long depression—wound up, angry, and lethargic all at once—and the next I'd be on the lethal precipice."

I can't really remember planning any suicides. I don't plan suicide attempts; the ideations hit me as an impulse. I become obsessed with the thought and I can't distract my mind. It's like a train headed full speed into a wall with no reverse gear.


This is me when I am suicidal.


My Latest Obsession
My latest obsession has been shooting myself in the head with a gun despite Dawdy's stat that "It is uncommon for women to kill themselves with a gun." I've never had access to a gun but if I did, I'd be dead by now. The act of pulling a trigger is final. So much more so than any act of suicide. A person can survive a stabbing, a jump, overdosing, or self-designed accidents. But once a person sticks a gun inside the mouth and pulls the trigger… it's difficult to miss. Survival isn’t impossible but not likely.

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Bane Of My Existence

Suicide stuck in my mind after I watched a health video on mental illness in school. I don’t remember how old I was — I could have been 11 or 13. I vaguely remember the video but distinctly remembering my brain going, “Ding! Ding! Ding! That’s what you should do to deal with your troubles!” Suicide has since been the bane of my existence.

“[Radio host Cynthia] Doyon’s suicide was reported in both the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and The Seattle Times. Neither newspaper has tackled suicide as an issue. …In 2002, a New York Times editor had a breakdown in the newsroom and jumped, 15 floors, in front of colleagues. Not one article about suicide as a public-health problem appeared in the Times… In 2000, a Times reporter jumped to his death from a bridge in New York. Again, silence from the nation’s most influential paper on the subject of suicide.”Philip Dawdy, “One Suicide Too Many,” the Seattle Weekly

Is it really that editors don’t want to tackle suicide as an issue or is it more that they are simply afraid of it? Is this one area of mental health issues that has become increasingly taboo even though statistics continue to show that it is a deadly killer, more so than AIDS or homicide?