a personal quest to discover, analyze, and question news and personal events relating to mental illness
Katy Perry has revealed that she is experiencing waves of depression during the pandemic. While Stephen Fry, who has been outspoken about his struggle with bipolar disorder, admitted that he’s tried to commit suicide at least 3 times.
“There’s no future. There’s no sense of anything ahead of you. And you have to hope something will stop you. In my case it was just failed attempts and waking up in a hospital.”
Fry cited music, namely Beethoven, as a coping mechanism.
My childhood pop star has died. I am grieving for his family. May God have mercy on his soul.
I’m laughing as I write this post. My song of the week makes me feel like an old soul in a young body. It was made nearly half a decade before I was even born.
But I must admit, one of my favorite bands of all time is… Bread. Unless you’re a soft rock junkie like me, you likely have never heard of this band or you’ve heard their music but never knew who they were. (I was part of the latter for a long time.)
Despite the fact that Bread was popular soft rock group in the ’70s, I grew up being subjected to “lite music” in my mom’s car in the 80s. Hearing artists like Neil Diamond, Barbra Streisand, and Journey give me flashbacks to my childhood when I would sit in the backseat of our gray Honda Accord below the speakers that aired 106.7 lite fm. Yes, I am an anomaly. While my cousins grew up listening to Slick Rick, Biz Markie, and Doug E. Fresh, I preferred the soft sounds of Frank Sinatra, Foreigner, and Gloria Estefan. I still would take The Carpenters any day over Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam.
So my song of the week is a throwback to my childhood. Soft rock, for some reason, has always given me a sense of peace and security. (It might have to do with the psychological aspect of me being strapped down by a seat belt while listening to it.) I don’t have any bad memories associated with many of these songs so I’ve chosen my latest obsession for this week: “Look What You’ve Done” by Bread. You can listen to the full song here.
Continue reading “Song of the Week: Look What You've Done by Bread”
My husband and I are still working through Transforming Grace which emphasizes that the Bible says people cannot earn heaven on a merit-based system but on a grace-based system. I often revert to this “merit” mindset. It’s inconceivable to me that God doesn’t want me to work on getting to heaven or pleasing him; he simply wants me to depend on Christ’s finished work on the cross—and that alone.
The song of the week is called “In Christ Alone” performed by Keith & Kristyn Getty. It’s my new favorite song and reminds me that only in Christ alone am I set free from trying to be a perfectionist to please God. Christ is perfect and through him, only him, am I perfect.
Irish-born Kristyn starts out the video by reading from Chapter 1 of the Book of John (vv. 1-4, 14, 16). You can hear her thick Irish accent as she reads and then she just busts out into song and sounds American. Why is it that most British people sound American when they sing? It never ceases to amuse me. The video is below and lyrics behind the cut.
I don’t think Neil Diamond is a Christian — as far as I know, he’s still Jewish — but he wrote a song called “Pretty Amazing Grace,” which blows my mind because it has some strong Christian concepts behind it. Maybe he’s resolved things between him and God? Who knows?
I’m currently reading a book called Transforming Grace by Jerry Bridges. The book focuses on reminding Christians that God draws people to him based on his grace and mercy and not based on our merits or works. The Bible teaches there is nothing people can do to get to heaven. (Ephesians 2:8-9) I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior and became a Baptist 16 years after being a Roman Catholic. Coming from a Roman Catholic background, I’d view my standing with God based on a “points” system. For example, let’s start at zero. If I was nice to or complimented someone, I’d give myself a +1. But later on, if I told a white lie to my parents, I’d give myself a -1 putting me right back where I started. So I’d go back and forth on this points system trying not to reach a deficit. The new church I joined taught that there was no points system, people couldn’t earn their way to heaven, and that one had to rely solely on God’s grace — the gift he gives the people who believe in Jesus Christ.
After a few years though, being a Christian became burdensome — not because of God — but because of the rules the church I attended would begin to impose in my life:
The church taught one thing but did another. I began to feel as though I was never doing enough for God no matter how hard I tried. I was back on the points system.
Transforming Grace is a book intended to blow legalism out of the water. It takes legalistic concepts and casts them into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19) or puts them as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). It reminds Christians that any blessings they receive or any favor they find in God’s sight is not based on what they do, how good they are, or how many “points” they’ve racked up. After years of bashing myself as a bad Christian, this book reminds me that in and of myself, I’m a pretty bad person. (Romans 3:10-12) But with a belief in Christ, God doesn’t see me as bad; he sees Christ’s righteousness. So there’s no more points to earn. There’s nothing I can do to make God love me any less or any more.
And this is where Neil Diamond’s song “Pretty Amazing Grace” steps in. I don’t know what Neil Diamond’s spiritual belief is but somehow, he’s grasped the concept of God’s grace quite well. As a result, I’ve chosen “Pretty Amazing Grace” for the song of the week as I continue my studies in learning more about Transforming Grace. You can listen to the full song here, and the lyrics are behind the cut.
Continue reading “Song of the Week: Pretty Amazing Grace by Neil Diamond”
I've been feeling silly all week so I've been watching this video over and over and over. Flight of the Conchords is a two-man group that makes comedic music. The band has a show on HBO based on the premise that they're a crappy music group from New Zealand trying to make it in the Big Apple. Whenever the band has a planned performance, they're terrible but when they break out into random song during each episode, it's usually pretty good (and funny). Flight of the Conchords isn't for everybody but some of their songs never fail to amuse me. (One of my other favorites is Leggy Blonde with a random thong song thrown toward the end.) The song of the week, Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros, is basically the guys rapping about absolute nonsense. I've posted the lyrics below the video.
Continue reading “Song of the Week: Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros by Flight of the Conchords”
Another regular feature that I’ll try to do is post songs each week that really mean something to me and apply to my life during this week. One of my favorite artists is Sara Groves who writes so many songs that have helped me through different periods in my life.
This past week, I suffered from severe social anxiety on Tuesday and ended up having a panic attack. (I thought I was going to die; I couldn’t breathe!) My husband and I were on our way to counseling that night and Sara’s song “It’s Going To Be Alright” came on. I sang along with the song, fighting back tears the entire time. Finally my husband asks, “What does that song mean to you?” Immediately I burst into tears and told him I was fighting back tears, especially toward the end of the song where she urges the listener to “cast your cares.” That specific line is based on I Peter 5:7 where Peter writes, “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” I’ve been really struggling with trusting God in the midst of all this, freaking out about what my coworkers think of me. I’ve been going through a “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” phase. Where is God in the midst of my social anxiety? Where is he when I’m feeling alone and abandoned because my coworkers go out to lunch and don’t invite me? Where is God when I’m on the outskirts of forming close bonds with my coworkers just like they’ve formed close bonds with each other? Why am I the weirdo and the freak? What makes me so socially repulsive?
Then I hear Sara sing to me (it felt like it anyway), “I believe you’ll outlive this pain in you heart, and you’ll gain such a strength from what is tearing you apart” and those lyrics just GOT to me. It was as if God was speaking to me through the song and said, “Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m here for you and you’ll only get stronger from this situation. Marissa, you’ll be fine. It’ll be alright. Just talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling. Tell me all about your pain. I’m here to listen and give you strength each day.” After feeling like God’s been like my dad for the past few years—not alive but up in the heavens somewhere, it’s like the silence was broken and He finally just communicated to me to turn to Him instead of running straight to my husband first. Talking to God is easier (and cheaper!) than talking to my husband.
Enough of the backstory. But now you know why I’ve chosen this particular song for Song of the Week. It seems like a good way to end the week on a good note. You can listen to the full song here. The lyrics are included below the cut.
Continue reading “Song of the Week: It's Going To Be Alright by Sara Groves”
An oldies station the other day featured Beyoncé’s song “Crazy In Love” as covered by The Puppini Sisters. I was incredibly confused because I was pretty sure that Beyoncé’s song was original and not a remake of an old song. I did some digging and apparently The Puppini Sisters (who aren’t really sisters) do covers of songs ranging from Wuthering Heights and the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy to Walk Like An Egyptian and Crazy In Love in a swing format a là The Andrews Sisters. I discovered their most recent single — a cover of Dusty Springfield’s “Spooky” — and now it’s an earworm. I share it with you as I get ready to embark on my vacation. The video is cheesy but I think the song is kinda groovy. Enjoy.
ABC News covers the potential legal wrangling that might occur for Internet users as a result of the MySpace suicide case. I mentioned this in a recent post.
In some sad news after this Memorial Day weekend, Greg Mitchell at the Daily Kos reports that Chad Oligschlaeger, a 21-year-old Marine suffering from PTSD, committed suicide. According to family members, he was taking 8 different kinds of medication to control the disorder. Mitchell has an update on the story.
In some (somewhat) good news, mental health specialists from across the board are offering free services to current troops in an effort to help out with the shortage of mental health assistance in the military.
Also in a recent post, I also mentioned how people (namely in the UK) have been in an uproar over the fact that some people are equating “emo” music with the glorification of suicide, cutting, and death. My Chemical Romance (MCR), the band seen at the forefront of the emo music scene, has released a statement concerning the uproar and 13-year-old Hannah Bond’s death:
We have recently learned of the suicide and tragic loss of Hannah Bond. We’d like to send our condolences to her family during this time of mourning. Our hearts and thoughts are with them.
My Chemical Romance are and always have been vocally anti-violence and anti-suicide. As a band, we have always made it one of our missions through our actions to provide comfort, support, and solace to our fans. The message and theme of our album “The Black Parade” is hope and courage. Our lyrics are about finding the strength to keep living through pain and hard times. The last song on our album states: “I am not afraid to keep on living” – a sentiment that embodies the band’s position on hardships we all face as human beings. If you or anyone that you know have feelings of depression or suicide, we urge you to find your way and your voice to deal with these feelings positively.
I blame MCR for Hannah’s death about as much as I blame Nirvana and “grunge” music for making me suicidal. (I don’t blame Mr. Cobain at all.) Granted, Nirvana’s music put me in a mental state where I was much more open to depression but I can’t blame a band for my actions. Besides, every generation has the band that every parent feels the need to hate. Nirvana and “grunge” music were “it” for the 90s. MCR and “emo” will soon be out for the 00s. We’ll see what the next band and music genre will influence teenagers in the next decade.
Here’s an interesting post from Lightning’s Girl on the matter.
How is this for a startling number when you put in emo + suicide in google?
1 – 10 of about 4,010,000 for emo suicide
UPDATE: The New Zealand Herald has an article about how young emo listeners are fighting back. Apparently, the Daily Mail in England went a tad bit too far and called emo music a "sinister teenage craze that romanticises death." Emo fans in England are planning a peaceful march to protest the Daily Mail’s – in what they call – an unfair characterization.
depression introspection 