Rose, Thorn, Seed

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I hate taking my meds. I hate the process. I hate swallowing pills. I hate overcoming my gag reflex. I just hate everything about it. It’s the major reason why I’m noncompliant at times. Taking meds sucks.

However, I like the effects of the meds. I’m stable. I do well. They work. I just loathe taking them. And honestly, it’s a huge barrier to me being consistent in taking them.

I’m currently in intensive outpatient (IOP) therapy and we identify something called a “rose, thorn, and seed.” A rose is something positive that we can reflect on. A thorn is an area where we need support. And a seed is an intention that we set for ourselves.

While my rose and thorn can vary depending on the events of my days, my seed during my last session was to consistently take my medicine and be compliant. I need to continually set that intention for myself. How can I keep it up when it’s a task—a chore—I abhor?

Again, the effects of the meds are good. They help me function. Without them, I am an absolute mess. I suppose I just need to focus on how well I do as a result of taking them to overcome the laziness and repulsiveness I feel when it comes time for me to actually take them.