February 20, 2010 at 7:46 pm (Personal)
Tags: blog, Depression, depression intropsection, fail, introspection, mental health, mental illness, pressure, sabotage, stress, success, weblog
There’s no other way to say it: I choked.
Depression Introspection, originally hosted on Typepad, was a mildly successful blog within its niche community. I updated the blog regularly and within a year, watched my stats rocket and was named one of PsychCentral’s Top 10 Depression blogs. I enjoyed researching and learning information then providing analysis for the world to see. I wasn’t the first (or second or third) mental health blog but I was part of the early game.
After claiming the #1 spot for PsychCentral’s Top 10 blogs of 2007, I freaked. I averaged 5,000 page views a day. For a nobody like me, I found that nothing to sneeze at.
Then the pressure was on. The pressure came from no one but myself.
I regularly received emails asking for advice or comments on older posts. But the pressure to keep and satisfy an audience became overwhelming. It was all self-created. I wanted to compete. And when the competition loomed large and appeared daunting, I cracked and walked away from it altogether. Updating the blog was no longer fun, I hated doing research, learning about mental health became a chore.
From 2006-2008, my entire life surrounded my mental health and learning about it. Within 2 years, I grew and changed. I no longer wanted to write about mental health on a daily basis. Nor did I want to put so much time and effort into generating content that earned me very little money. But I have a bit of a historian in me: I can sit back and appreciate the hard work I put into this blog. In an effort to preserve the content, I spent a good bit of time and energy into moving this blog from Typepad to WordPress. Even without updating this site new information, my old posts (especially on Lamictal) still get regular hits and comments. Simply that amazes me and makes me realize how valuable some of the information is within this blog.
With the exception of the Quotes of the Day, which are scheduled to update through March 2010, this blog is basically defunct. It’s up as a resource for people to browse through and glean some kind of knowledge on various psychotropics (however outdated the information may be). There is always the possibility I could update regularly again but I doubt it. Like I mentioned previously, I’ve grown beyond simply mental health writing and update a personal blog titled This Journey is My Own where I blog about various topics from introspection to politics to religion (mainly Christianity) to race relations/identity. I run quite the gamut than what I used to write here. And I purposely do not mix the content because I serve two different audiences with each.
So there you have it. I’ve since learned that I’d rather never succeed than watch myself hopelessly fail. Not that I was failing with my blog. Far from it—I was succeeding, succeeding beyond anything I could have ever imagined. And when I saw that I had to work to maintain that success (after having achieved it so effortlessly and carelessly), I choked, sputtered, and stalled.
And walked away.
I know a lot of people were sad to see the regular updates disappear. I fell off the blog scene and keep up with people mostly through Twitter. But I did what I had to do for me. To maintain my sanity. The joy and the love for writing the blog were gone. Once those things go, it’s time to end it, which is what I did.
My other blog has a regular audience of about maybe 5-10 people max. And that’s okay. Any more “success” and I think I’d choke. Besides, I’m really just trying to write for “an audience of one” now.
So if you’re new to the site and visiting, feel free to take a look around, there’s some good information to be found. If you’ve been a regular reader, thanks for your loyalty in showing me that I’ve got what it takes to be mildly successful.
January 20, 2009 at 8:13 am (Blogs, Depression)
Tags: blog, dads, depressed, Depression, education, encouragement, new baby, postpartum, Postpartum Dads, Postpartum Dads Project, PPD, resource
A blog that I'd recommend, especially for both moms and dads of new children, is Postpartum Dads Project. I think the idea is very cool and long overdue. The goal is to be a resource and place of encouragement and education for fathers who have wives going through postpartum depression or are experiencing depression themselves. As the tagline says, "Because PPD is a WHOLE family thing." Katherine Stone over at Postpartum Progress has a small write-up about it.
September 12, 2008 at 7:25 am (Blogs, Depression, Music, Personal)
Tags: blog, bob and weave, boxing, depressed, Depression, dodge, fight, fighting, Sara Groves, Storied Mind, The Boxer, throwing punches, weblog
John over at Storied Mind wrote a post on fighting depression that really hit home. It had a profound thought that I know but often overlook.
If I can step aside for just an instant from the full assault of the symptom, long enough to glance sideways at it, I can spot what’s happening and immediately see myself experiencing that particular bend of mind or feeling. Here it comes, here it is, I’m feeling miserable because I’m depressed. Or I’m tearing myself down with every other thought – I don’t have to do that so you in there, you shut up, I’m not listening anymore – you’re just a disease, and you will not get me to believe what you’re saying. Of I see obsessive thinking taking hold, sizzling my mind and gut with something, invariably, that I did wrong. I see that I’m replaying it over and over, and I have to step back and just say to myself, you’re obsessing, that’s another symptom, so stop!
Which reminds of a song (“The Boxer”) from one of my favorite Christian artists, Sara Groves:
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding, kidding
Cause my ribs are bruised and it’s just round two
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding
Cause there’s a cut on my eye and it’s just round five
And I used to be quick I used to see it coming
I used to know how to move my feet
Now I can’t duck and I can’t land nothing
And I forgot how to bob and weave
Bob and weave
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding
When you said this was a fight, you weren’t kidding, kidding, kidding
Cause this room’s in a spin and it’s just round ten
If you care at all take that towel from your neck
Cause I’ve reached down deep and there is nothing left
I’ve got nothing
I’ve got nothing
I’ve got nothing
Greater is he who is in me
Greater is he who is in me
Bob and weave
Bob and weave
Bob and weave
And I can’t just know it I’ve got to feel it
And I can’t just feel it, I’ve got to believe it
And I can’t just believe it, I’ve got to live it
I need to put up a fight and I won’t be successful without God’s help. I can’t just *think* I have to fight and leave it as head knowledge, I have to put it into action. I have to — as John put it — “glance sideways at it” and watch those punches, see it coming, then — as Sara put it — “bob and weave” to dodge it before it knocks me down completely.
June 30, 2008 at 10:51 pm (Personal)
Tags: bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, blog, death, Depression, depression introspection, elderly suicide, Family, Suicide, tragedy, work
It’s not always going to be this grey
All things must pass
All things must pass away
— All Things Must Pass, The Beatles —
I haven’t had a desire to do much of anything lately but somehow I got the energy (and fortune) to figure out how to get my original blog design back. I prefer the format since it’s wider even if the beige gets kind of drab. I also reorganized the blog categories. I’ve become a bit of an organizational freak in the past couple of years. I’m a child of the Real Simple era, I suppose.
I have a whole post just kind of brewing in my mind and it has been for the past two weeks. I’m just taking a bit of a break and trying to figure out which direction I want to take this blog now. I’ve talked about suicide, thought about suicide, and attempted suicide but never remotely encountered anyone who’s actually done it. Now it’s hit my family, and I’m still figuring out what it means to me, my husband, and his family. We have a counseling session tomorrow night so I’m sure we’ll talk more about it then.
In the meantime, work at the ad agency has either been completed (pushed out the door) or is currently in the planning stages, which means I don’t need to go in tomorrow but am tentatively scheduled for Thursday. I have a lot of errands to run tomorrow and have been avoiding checking my e-mail like the plague. I’ll suck up the courage to look at it sometime soon.
Also, I gave my husband Bob Thompson guest author privileges. He’s currently deciding on whether to make a blog post on his grandfather’s suicide and its repercussions in the future. He might or might not. My husband’s not particularly fond of writing but it’s just a heads-up.
In the meantime, be well.
P.S. I’ve been on a Beatles trip lately so I’m probably going to be quoting apt Beatles lyrics for a lot of my future posts.
May 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm (Blogs)
Tags: blog, donate, donation, fund-raiser, fundraiser, Furious Seasons, Philip Dawdy, weblog
Since its September 2005 inception, Furious Seasons (www.furiousseasons.com) has been a resource for many people who may struggle with mental illness or know someone who deals with mental illness. Author Philip Dawdy has shed light on the dealings of pharmaceutical companies and provided keen insight on today’s psychiatric practices. His investigative journalism skills have helped educate thousands of people. As a result of his blog, I am aware of the negative effects that antipsychotics – namely Zyprexa and Seroquel — can have on people. Upon learning of his experience of Lamictal withdrawal and from the comments of others, I am much more aware of the potential side effects I may endure should I choose to taper off of the drug.
In keeping with the title of his blog, Dawdy has begun to host seasonal fundraisers to help maintain his site and support the extensive research he performs for the blog. His site is read by thousands on a regular basis and he needs all the support he can to keep his work going and the site functioning.
If you don’t read his site (and you should), please go to his blog (link above) and read some of his posts. After you’re done, I’m pretty sure you’ll realize what an asset he is for the mental health community.
Then, donate. It doesn’t matter how much — $5, $10, $25, $50, $100 — whatever you can give! He’s got a PayPal button on his site (just like I do, ahem) that you can click on to support his work. If you’re not comfortable with putting your credit card info on a Web site, he also accepts checks, money orders… whatever will clear in the bank.
By the way, Dawdy has helped me out in the past (yep, he too clicked on my PayPal button and helped me out when I needed it) and I intend to return the favor. A donation to his site helps this mental health patient — and many others — in return.
April 21, 2008 at 2:34 pm (Blogs, Mental Health/Illness, Personal)
Tags: Bipolar Wellness Writer, blog, bloggers, blogging, Blogs, Furious Seasons, mental health, mental illness, soulful sepulcher
Bipolar Wellness Writer has mentioned that she will discontinue writing her blog in a few weeks. (UPDATED—See bottom of this post.) Furious Seasons and Soulful Sepulcher have mentioned various mental health blogs that have authors who either are considering the possibility of discontinuing their blog (The Trouble with Spikol), have gone on hiatus (Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal and Recovery), have discontinued blogging (Been Broken (gone for now)) , or have deleted their blog altogether (Psych Survivor).
I answered Philip Dawdy’s questions about the recent spate of mental health blogs that are ceasing regular updates. But I’m beginning to form my own questions as well. The common theme that I’ve read among many of these blogs is that the authors feel "held back" or that they need to move on with their lives or pursue other interests. Is writing about mental health issues—not just about personal experiences but in general—a burden that many people feel they no longer enjoy? Sort of like a job in which the work seemed enjoyable at first but has become too much to bear and it’s time to "quit" and move on?
I appreciate all of the bloggers who have contributed to the mental health blogosphere. I guess my main question is why the bloggers of political, technology, and celebrity blogs don’t feel that their blogs are holding them back. Is it perhaps the fact that these sites are more likely to make money? Or maybe Big Pharma owns so much of the corner market on generating ad revenue that mainstream outlets are hesitant to publicize anything that would criticize them. Or maybe mental health blogs are so personal that people feel as though they can’t continue to dwell on the past. I don’t have any answers this time. However, those who search Google for blogs regarding various topics on mental health can find these (unfortunately, they’re not all blogs):
UPDATE: Susan Bernard at Bipolar Wellness Writer responded to my comment on her blog:
All may not be lost. Ever since I’ve written this post, friends have been suggesting ways to continue blogging–but not feel "stuck." So, I may change my mind. I’m noodling a bunch of ideas!
Thanks for your comment! I’ll let you know.
She’s also made a recent post in which she’s weighing her options and may consider changing her mind. (Thanks to BPD in OKC for tipping me off to this.)
April 19, 2008 at 11:30 pm (Blogs, Mental Health/Illness, Personal, Statistics)
Tags: Antidepressants, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, blog, blogging, Blogs, bpd, Christian blogs, Christian mental health blogs, Christians, Depression, depression introspection, education, Furious Seasons, Google bomb, health, Lamictal, linking, links, mental health, mental illness, My Bipolar Journey, My Life with Bipolar Disorder, Pharma, Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal and Recovery, readers, Risperdal, Roller Coaster, Schizophrenia, Seroquel, sites, soulful sepulcher, weblogs, websites, withdrawal, Zyprexa
From one of Furious Seasons’s latest posts:
Mental Health Blogs Going Bye-Bye?
As I noted earlier, there’s a spate of mental health blogs that are going on hiatus of some kind. Now, it’s my sad duty to report that Gianna Kali’s Bipolar Blast blog is going on an indefinite hiatus as well. You can read her post "Quitting?" for the details. Bottom line: all those years of very high doses of psych meds seem to have injured her body. I cannot even begin to send her enough good wishes. I cannot even begin to express my disgust with some of the bad doctors she ran into over the years.
Also, the Psych Survivor blog, written by a man I only know as Mark, was taken down a few weeks ago, and from what I gather he is in the hospital with heart problems. His was/is a good and strident voice on these issues we all care about and his work is missed.
All of this kind of makes me feel glum, since the two people above had been at the blogging game for well over a year and I sensed that they’d both be around long-term. These are people I care about and it sucks that they won’t be the presence they once were.
Why is it that mental health blogs are so difficult to do and keep going? Why is it so hard for them to find the substantial audiences they deserve? The Internet is crowded with blogs about politics, technology, gadgets, gossip and parenting and many of these seem to do quite well and have huge audiences and long lives, despite the fact that many of them are merely echoes of one another. Are readers of blogs that simple-minded that all they need is the latest news and opinion on Apple’s or Microsoft’s latest bit of software or Obama’s or Hillary’s latest gaffe?
You’d think in a country where 10 percent of the population is on anti-depressants and another 5 percent to 10 percent is likely on some other psych med that there would be a substantial audience for these issues (regardless of what one makes of the dominant mental health paradigm), especially given how wildly popular neuroscience is on the Net. It makes me wonder if we all–and here I include myself–have done something wrong in how we analyze these issues (are we too contrarian?) or if we all simply haven’t been crowded out of the big search engines (that’s how most people find mental health information online) because the Net is so over-populated with pharma sites and allied pro-pharma health websites. I can certainly say that the mainstream media–which usually loves writing about characters on the Net who push against life’s many intellectual tides–has given very little attention to sites like this one, despite the fact that sites like mine have been a very real service to many in the media.
Or maybe the mainstream approach to mental health care is right and the public is just trying to tell us something.
What do you think?
I’ll tell you what I think.
Read the rest of this entry »
April 16, 2008 at 4:36 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: blog, design
I’ll be messing with the blog design on and off so don’t be surprised if it looks kind of funky every now and then when you visit the site.
March 10, 2008 at 7:30 am (Blogs)
Tags: bipolar, blog, death, Depression, distorted thinking, My Journey Through Bipolar, self-hatred, self-loathing, Suicide
A Google Alert for a post from My Journey Through Bipolar came to my inbox. I read it and feel that it expresses many of the thoughts that I’ve had and still have today. Here are the snippets that really spoke to me:
My thinking has been so terribly distorted lately. I can hear it but
it is like I am watching it on TV and I can’t make the actors say
different lines. “You just don’t understand me so I am not going to
talk to you anymore.” “I am worthless and just taking up too much
space. I would rather die then to put you all through this agony
anymore.” “I have no friends. No one loves me. I am unlovable. I
hate myself. I HATE ME!!!”
And it all makes so much sense to me. I really believe it. I really
do feel like there is no reason to go on. That I should just die.
That I am a waste of space.
And like the viewer watching TV I can see how ridiculous this story
is. Of course she is loved. Look at the supporting cast. She doesn’t
actually want to die. Look at her children worshiping her at her feet,
begging her to come play with them and give them kisses. Who wouldn’t
want to stick around to foster that? And a waste of space? She
created this space. She cooks and cleans in this space. She bore her
children in this space. She makes love to her incredible husband in
this space. She isn’t a waste of space. The space would be empty
And does she really hate herself? I believe she hates the one that she
thinks she is. That distorted her. But if she saw herself as a
separate person she would love her. She would see that other self and
think, what a great person. She has it all. The husband, house, kids,
cats, beauty, security, love all around. A deep faith, a rich
community, arts and a strong soul of a warrior. She would want to be
just like that other person.
I want to be just like I am. I just want to be happy while I am being me.
Read the entire post here.
July 6, 2007 at 11:12 am (Adverse Effects, Antidepressants, Depression, Medicine/Meds, Mental Health/Illness, Pharma, Suicide)
Tags: adolescents, adults, adverse effect, aggression, agitation, AHRP, akathisia, alcohol, anger, Antidepressants, behavior, big pharma, blog, Brynn Hartman, Children, Christopher Pittman, clinical trials, comments, confidence interval, David Healy, death, Depression, drugs, dyskinesia, Eli Lilly, Fluoxetine, GlaxoSmithKline, guide, homicide, hostile, hostility, hyperkinesis, information, irritability, kids, kill, lawsuits, major depressive disorder, MDD, medications, meds, murder, OCD, patient safety, patients, pediatrics, Pfizer, pharma companies, pharmaceuticals, Phil Harman, Pittman, placebo, placebos, Prozac, psych drugs, psychiatry, psychology, rage, restlessness, Salon.com, sertraline, side effects, SSRI, studies, suicidal risk, suicidality, Suicide, teens, violence, violent, volunteers, Web site, zoloft
[This post is quite lengthy so I suggest you grab a cup of coffee or tea and sit down and read it. The following is not for the faint of heart (or those with a lack of time).]
It’s been amazing to me that I’ve received numerous comments on Zoloft inducing rage. I’m humbled by having a Pittman supporter visit my site and post some comments from the ChristopherPittman.org forums. Read the following:
In my senior year in high school I was diagnosed as being severely depressed and put on medication. The first medication that I was on I took for 5 months and it made me really aggressive. My friends and family noticed the change and I told my doctor about it and she changed my meds. After that I was fine. I am normally a very passive person and will let just about anything fly. But the medication made me really aggravated and aggressive toward my friends and family and it seemed that I wasn’t overcoming my depression. I just got done watching the 48 hours investigation on the Discovery Times Channel and felt a connection with Chris. I felt that I had to write this to let you know that Chris is not the only one out there that had these side effects. I think there should be a study done to see how many people that take antidepressants have increased aggression. The problem is that the pharmaceutical industry has deep pockets and many lobbyists. I hope this helps in some way.
I remember the case when it happened.
At the time I thought, “Zoloft right”.
Let me tell you my physician put me on Zoloft and it took about three weeks for my to become psychotic and I’m a 50 year old woman.
I have three children and I don’t make a lot of money but please let me know if I can do anything for the Pittman boy.
The jury should have been placed on Zoloft before they made they decision. Unless you’ve experience it you simply cannot believe its’ effect.
I did a bit of quick reading/research into Zoloft triggering violence in people who otherwise would have never been violent and it seems that are a few stories out there to support the assertion. I found a few comments on depressionblog.com that mentioned a link between Zoloft and rage fits. A Salon.com article published a story antidepressants inducing rage in 1999. Apparently, Brynn Hartman, the wife of famous comedian Phil Hartman, killed herself and her husband while taking Zoloft. While close friends attribute the sudden behavior on the antidepressant, others attribute it to a combination of the medication with cocaine and alcohol in her system. (Zoloft does have a warning against alcohol use in conjunction with the drug.)
One interesting thing I learned from the article is that this kind of behavior is often labeled under the name akathisia on patient safety guides. Most – if not all – of the major antidepressants list akathisia as a side effect. Here’s the initial description of this condition from Wikipedia:
Akathisia, or acathisia, is an unpleasant subjective sensation of “inner” restlessness that manifests itself with an inability to sit still or remain motionless… Its most common cause is as a side effect of medications, mainly neuroleptic antipsychotics especially the phenothiazines (such as perphenazine and chlorpromazine), thioxanthenes (such as flupenthixol and zuclopenthixol) and butyrophenones (such as haloperidol (Haldol)), and rarely, antidepressants.
Akathisia may range in intensity from a mild sense of disquiet or anxiety (which may be easily overlooked) to a total inability to sit still, accompanied by overwhelming anxiety, malaise, and severe dysphoria (manifesting as an almost indescribable sense of terror and doom).
No real mention of extreme anger or irritability mentioned there. But if you read on…
The 2006 U.K. study by Healy, Herxheimer, and Menkes observed that akathisia is often miscoded in antidepressant clinical trials as “agitation, emotional lability, and hyperkinesis (overactivity)”. The study further points out that misdiagnosis of akathisia as simple motor restlessness occurs, but that this is more properly classed as dyskinesia. Healy, et. al., further show links between antidepressant-induced akathisia and violence, including suicide, as akathisia can “exacerbate psychopathology.” The study goes on to state that there is extensive clinical evidence correlating akathisia with SSRI use, showing that approximately ten times as many patients on SSRIs as those on placebos showed symptoms severe enough to drop out of a trial (5.0% compared to 0.5%).
Read the rest of this entry »
December 28, 2006 at 8:13 am (Christian, Suicide)
Tags: atonement, Bible, biblical, blog, born again, Christian, cross, eternal condemnation, God, hell, I John, Jesus Christ, sin, Suicide
I was excited to stumble upon a Christian blog that dealt with the topic of suicide. However, despite the fact that I think the author makes many good points, her ending left me a little more than sour: "Deciding to commit suicide whether because of financial, emotional, spiritual, or physical circumstances is a sin that separates one from God for eternity (1 John 5:17)."
I John 5:17 (NASB) says, "All unrighteousness is sin, and there is a sin not leading to death." The sin that leads not unto death is pardoned sin, sin that a Christian has asked forgiveness for.
The author of this blog makes the statement of saying that a person who commits suicide spends eternity apart from God. A person who believes in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and commits suicide does not spend eternity apart from God because even though the sin is committed in death, Jesus’s atonement on the cross pardons that sin. (I John 1:7-9) If the author is making a statement that a born-again Christian who commits suicide is plunged into eternal condemnation, the author is in grave error.
December 25, 2006 at 8:18 am (Blogs, Medicine/Meds, Mental Health/Illness, News, Schizophrenia)
Tags: articles, blog, Conan Doyle, ECT, hallucinogen, magic mushroom, News, OCD, psychosis, schizophrenic, Sherlock Holmes, Spikol, Trouble With Spikol
Liz Spikol found an article that says Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (author of Sherlock Holmes) could have been schizo. I diagnose him as bipolar with symptoms of psychosis. Really, this many years later, what does it matter? What could we do for him now?
Also from Liz Spikol, she mentions an article that now says ECT (electroshock therapy) is possibly bad for depression. Spikol has mentioned going through ECT in the past and has complained that it has impaired her cognitive functioning and memory. Looks like she’s no longer alone.
Supposedly, the hallucenogenic in magic mushrooms can help stave off severe OCD for four hours up to a full day with reports of effects lasting up to a few days. But there’s no definitive proof since the clinical trial was only used with 9 people.
I guess ya’ll should just head on over to Spikol’s blog because I think I found the last three articles from her. Here: The Trouble With Spikol
October 2, 2006 at 10:41 am (Bible/Scripture, Depression, Personal)
Tags: Bible, Biblical viewpoint, blog, Christian, christian viewpoint, Christianity, view, viewpoint
I’ve been doing some thinking about this particular blog and I think I’m going to focus on a Christian perspective on depression. While I know this may alienate potential readers in the future, the blog’s primary purpose is to aid me in my recovery of (and discovery of overcoming) depression. Its secondary purpose to aid those who can learn from my struggle and experiences. In reading, Richard O’Connor’s Undoing Depression, I appreciated his practical approach theories and arguments but hated the philosophies (i.e. Freud, Jung). While Freud and Jung both put forward interesting suppositions, I disagreed with most of their thinking.
As a Christian, my first and foremost textbook on depression is the Bible. That’s the way it should have been from the beginning and that’s the way it will begin to be.
I won’t stop reading purely secular books but at the same time, my thinking will take on a more Biblical approach. This means:
– Bible verses and quotes interspersed in text
– Analyzing and discussing secular books, thoughts and theory from a Christian/Biblical viewpoint
– Analysis of examples of depression in the Bible
I understand that there will be people who may stumble upon this site and vehemently disagree with my thoughts and point of view. I welcome discussion on certain propositions but my faith is not up for debate; I will not change my mind. Improper commenters will have their IPs banned. Banning is subject to my discretion.
July 21, 2006 at 11:44 pm (Personal)
Tags: ADHD, anxiety, bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, black, blog, Depression, depressive, diagnosis, female, flaws, major depressive disorder, manic, MDD, mental health, mental illness, suicidal attempts, suicidal behavior, suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, Suicide, who i am, woman
I am a 26-year-old black female who suffers from bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with the illness in November 2006. I’d been diagnosed as suffering from major depressive disorder (MDD) beginning at the age of 14. I still consider myself to suffer primarily from depression although I do have occasional manic episodes.
This blog has helped me to recognize many of the things that I am. That
I truly am more than my diagnosis and that my diagnosis does not define
me. I am not just a person with manic and depressive episodes. I am a person with a personality. I’m smart, witty, drop-dead gorgeous—okay, I wish, but I’m not ugly—musically inclined, and ambitious. And that’s just scratching the surface.
I can be happy, sad, angry, and joyful. I have so many emotions that could classify me as anything. I have a short attention span, for instance. The docs missed the attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) diagnosis (although I lack the hyperactivity). I suffer from anxiety as well but not a single medical record lists me as suffering from generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). So I self-diagnose. It helps me to realize that all of my flaws can pigeonhole me into any diagnosis I choose. I accept my flaws – “diagnosable” or not – and my strengths. This is my journey to learn more about myself, my diagnosis, my medical treatment, and anything relating to my personal life and general mental health.
I’m skeptical of pharmaceutical companies. I don’t hate them; however, many of their practices are shady and I—along with some of my favorite medical blogs —hope to shed light on the “unfavorable” news they choose to keep hidden from the public.
I highlight celebrities who admit to mental illnesses. Many of them suffer from depression, which is the fashionable mental illness of the moment, but others truly suffer from problems that are worth talking about.
I also write about my personal life relating to mental illness. I struggle with constant thoughts of suicide. Readers of this blog will note a pronounced emphasis on suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
Feel free to read on to the next entry about my Perfectionistic Tendencies. Chronicling my journey to managing and treating my illness can hopefully aid me. And eventually, someone else.