Status update

I'm going to try to keep this as short as I can because I have a lot to do and finally have the energy β€” and mental clarity! β€” to do it.

I woke up at 5 am yesterday due to a bad migraine. I didn't fall asleep until 2 am. I'd laid in bed from 10 pm-12 am hoping to fall asleep since my thoughts had begun to take a negative turn and I knew it was because of lack of sleep.

I was up for a total of 21 hours. Between the lack of sleep and the medication side effects, it was a combo for disaster. I tried to use Twitter and play Scrabble and Sudoku as distractions but my negative thoughts continued to invade my mind. Go ahead, call me crazy, but I believe in evil forces and Satan was attacking me hard.

I am okay right now. My mood is just fine, holding steady at a 6 right now. But I was bad β€” very bad last night.

And yes, I should be eating better.

I'm feeling depressed

It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know why. No suicidal thoughts. Just depression. It hurts. Cymbalta won’t help. πŸ˜› (I can’t be too bad if I have a sense of humor, right?)

Mood rating: 2

Comments: CAPCHA back on

I've been getting about one spam comment a day but I'm much too lazy to start deleting a comment a day. It'd especially be annoying to go without checking my email or looking at this blog for a period of time then have to delete a slew of spam comments. So CAPCHA's back on. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted.

A touch of bad '90s teenage angst poetry

All the rage

The movement people call “emo” today slightly evolved from “grunge” about a decade and a half ago. Regardless, I was part of this “grunge” culture and wore the flannel shirts, ripped jeans, had the messy, dishelved long hair, and felt the torture of my mere existence. (There was a hint of sarcasm in that last phrase.) I roll my eyes at how much of a drama queen I was back then (10 times more so!) but my emotions as a teen were very painful and very real. Since I can’t provide a coherent, well-thought out post today, I decided to peel back a little bit of my vulnerability and share a bit of “angsty” poetry written on June 1, 1999. If you can get past the crappiness of it, you can get the sense I was feeling rather lonely.

Continue reading “A touch of bad '90s teenage angst poetry”

Lamictal withdrawal + sickness = out of it

I'm most likely out of commission for the week. I traveled this past weekend and came down with this nasty cold. Along with tapering down on Lamictal, I'm feeling kind of spacey and out of it. Thanks to a good friend's advice, I'm holding off on tapering down some more until I'm feeling better. So right now, I can't tell whether I'm suffering from Lamictal withdrawal, the effects of a common cold, or a combination of the two.

Except for the blurry vision β€” I've had that since starting Lamictal and the withdrawal is making the difference much more, er, visible.

Quote of the Week

"The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain
too cheap, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives
everything its value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, that
can gather strength from distress and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis
the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and
whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto
death." β€” Thomas Paine

Junk mail hurts the environment

A duh statement, right?

Junk mailFor most of us, we have emails that do a pretty good job of controlling spam. (Let me pimp gmail here for a second β€” they do a GREAT job of controlling spam.) But every time I receive a bunch of crap in my snail mail, I always wonder whether these companies pay attention to the concerns about the environment and lessening waste. Trust me, I’m no treehugger but I do think that we should be good stewards of the paper we use. (You’re talking to the girl that writes on the back and front of pages in notebooks. It irks me when people only write on one side of a page.)

I don’t mind getting circulars; I use them. I wouldn’t say to completely eliminate them either since there are likely older people who don’t use the Internet, but there should be a way to opt out of junk mail and subscribe electronically.

Most banks provide the option of receiving bank statements wirelessly. I subscribe to electronic statements for the majority of the banks I use. But then there are all these “special” bank offers that I’ve been pre-approved for. Is there a number I can call and say, “Please stop sending me this crap! I am not responding to any bank offers via postal mail, I don’t care how good it is”?

Then I get the stupid roofer, mason, siding, and renovation advertisements. I live in an apartment, not a home. Get real.

The floating “Subscribe to Netflix today!” ads. Guess what Netflix? You get our money every month already. Stop trying to recruit your own customers.

Victoria's SecretVictoria’s Secret catalogs. OK, I’ll admit I love getting VS catalogs. Beyond their undergarments, they also sell a few modest outfits (pants, button-down shirts, and tank tops) and (IMO) to-die-for shoes. VS catalogs are pretty long and detailed so I can understand why they’re mailed. But my husband and I have β€” at one point β€” received 4-5 catalogs one week, some of them duplicates. Many times I’ve gotten up to 3 catalogs a week. These catalogs don’t vary much in the products they contain except that they’re all assigned different catalog codes. A catalog every now and then is no big deal. When you bombard me during a “big sale” several days a week for a few weeks, then I start to get annoyed. If the government does this, we call it “wasteful spending”; I think the same of VS. How much money could they save themselves by sending less catalogs?

My biggest irritation is the referrals to other store catalogs I’ve never heard of, don’t care about, and will never buy from. Here’s some TMI for a hot minute: I’ve ordered from VS, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Activa Sports, and Road Runner Sports. These four catalogs suddenly decided that perhaps I’d like Venus, J. Jill, Coldwater Creek, Athleta, Boston Proper and a whole other host of catalogs that I don’t even know the names of because they simply find a new home in the trash. In a random catalog mailing, I received Alloy — a catalog that I used to get, oh say, 10-15 years ago. Come on, seriously? Something’s wrong if a 15-year-old is getting Alloy and VS.

To be introspective for a moment: Do I waste paper? Well, I certainly do; I’m not perfect but I try to minimize my use of paper if I deem it unnecessary. If I have a post-it note and have to scribble two unrelated things, I use a line to divide them instead of using separate post-its. (Unless the post-it is 1.5 x 2 or something like that. I don’t write small enough.)

treeI’m not the best at saving the environment. In fact, I probably hurt the environment in more ways than I help it. But I wish environmental groups would actually take notice of this blatant littering of the environment and do something about it. (Btw, I have tried GreenDimes when it was free and it didn’t do much.)