I'm on "Day I-don't-know" of lamotrigine (generic Lamictal). It's been at least 2 weeks. I haven't had any significant side effects except for extreme fatigue. I am often tired. Some days, I can give myself a boost of energy by playing the Wii Fit (which I snagged Saturday afternoon) and other days, exercising just wears me to out to the point where I head to the shower and then to bed. I can have 3 cups of coffee, never become fully awake, and still go to sleep at a decent time.
I'm still not sleeping well. Haven't slept well since before I went into the hospital in October 2006. I can't remember the last time I had truly restful sleep.
My symptoms remain at bay. I haven't had many suicidal thoughts or impulses. In fact, some days, I can go without thinking about suicide at all. I can't say it's all the medicine — my counseling and faith play a much bigger role — but I'm sure the medicine helps.
I've recently noticed that I'm not suffering from as much social anxiety. Again, I don't know if this is due so much to the medication as it is to the resurgence of my spiritual life. I ventured out on Sunday to a meetup writers workshop group that I'd never been to before. It was extremely weird. Not the situation, but the fact that I walked into a room full of strangers, made myself comfortable on the couch at the coffeehouse and offered input quite freely without worrying about what the others thought of me. I even had the audacity to network with a woman who works at a trade magazine in the area. How strange. I don't have balls. This is not me.
What the heck has happened to me?
depression introspection 
Sometimes we get to a point in our lives where we just don’t give a flying fark about what other people think of us anymore. It’s very rare, but it does happen. I still struggle with what other people think of me. It’s those darn voices that keep telling me that I’m not good enough.
But hey, I’m VERY impressed that you went into that writer’s group. It sounds like you didn’t worry about what others thought of you and you were yourself. Maybe you were relaxed in that environment?
congrats Marissa, and dare to think that this IS you…who else would it be?
Michelle,
The coffeehouse was very nice and cozy (and hot!) but I think I was either pretty dumb or had some serious self-confidence that day, which is weird considering how exhausted I was. I was feeling social that day.
Gianna,
Thanks! I think the lady at my Bible Study who said, “You’re so sweet and bubbly, how could anyone NOT like you?” helped. lol. It was the first time she’d met me too.
I just hope I can keep this up somehow. I’d like to be comfortable in my skin (for the most part) before I hit 30!!!
you know I did get progressively more comfortable in my skin with age…
not that I’m 100% comfortable now, but I often am…
@ Gianna- You MUST share your secret! 🙂 I’m knocking on the big 4-0 here. Still not 100% comfortable… heck, not even 80% comfortable. Is it the Palmolive dish detergent? (wink)?
Kudos to you…I’m glad u had a good time. I actually managed the courage to go to a single mom’s meetup (after 6 months of contemplating on joining), and when I finally did, it was a breath of fresh air. I got to meet women who were in the same boat as I, and let me tell you, after hearing their stories, I realize my “baby daddy” drama was nothing compared to them. Lol.
Oh Marissa, I hold you near and dear to my heart. You remind me of me at your age, and that makes me sound like an old woman. But it is so true. It was about where you are at in your life where I kind of took off, wings and all. Interesting, now at age 48 it’s the same as it was back then. Life comes full circle.
You are right where you are supposed to be, –be yourself and love life, every minute of it.
((HUGS)))))))
Your friend,
Stephany
My life is no longer worth living.
I hope you can go without your med soon!