Motivated, persistent, confident, and resilient—four qualities I do not possess

Thanks for the well-wishes for me and my husband. He is doing better. He is still in some pain but his bleeding has stopped and he’s just suffering from sinus drainage. We’ll be off to the ENT tomorrow and see what happens. In the meantime, he’s stuck eating cold foods and taking cold showers.

I’m having what I call "a day." It basically means it’s not the best but I’m dealing with it. I noticed today that I’ve been overlooking a ton of mistakes on things that I’ve been proofreading so that’s been quite discouraging considering it’s my JOB to catch mistakes. I’m also not particularly feeling socially interactive so I’m having some slight social anxiety when I need to smile, interact, and look like everything is right in my world.

I’m also having second thoughts about this freelancing gig. To be a freelancer, you’ve got to be motivated, persistent, confident, and resilient. I just don’t have any of those qualities. I hate the 9-to-5 grind but it’s probably what I’ve got to do. I keep telling myself that I’ll take risks this year but I’m so fearful of nearly everything that I’m just willing to run and hide. I want so much to write articles again but I "fear" my best days are behind me. I write fiction but I don’t read enough to make them any good. (I prefer nonfiction because it appeals to my hunger for factual knowledge.) I keep trying to tell myself "I can do it" but I can only lie to myself so many times.

I miss doing my regular news posts and other updates but they’ll have to wait until I can get my act together. For now, many of my posts will likely be related to my personal life. It’s nice to know you find me interesting enough to read them.

Some of you might have sent me e-mails but I’ll be responding to them later on tonight. Thanks for your kind thoughts, prayers, and comments.

3 Comments

  1. Nancie said,

    May 13, 2008 at 8:56 pm

    You are in my prayers and thoughts. May God give you grace and strength to go through this difficult time.
    Try not to be too hard on yourself. Coping with work when you are unwell is not easy. I am struggling now with my freelance work too. We can only do our best in view of our health condition.
    Do cut down on some work temporarily if necessary or whatever that may stress you up and take time to do things you enjoy. This will help to recharge batteries.
    Hope you feel better soon. Take care.

  2. Prester John said,

    May 14, 2008 at 8:08 am

    I almost left you a 500 word comment but I’ve decided to work it into a post and link back here.
    Hang in there. Your heart and mind are playing tricks on you right now.

  3. May 15, 2008 at 8:42 am

    Thanks, John. I know it. But I don’t know how to trick myself out of it.


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