Suicide Attempt: 1,346,985 (number is an exaggeration)

I had a serious mixed-mood episode during the weekend. I remember wanting to buy brownie mix at 1 am and refusing to answer my
husband’s question, "What’s your mood rating at?" because I knew I’d
answer 10. But then my husband woke up in the middle of the night to find his cell phone charger cord wrapped around my neck as I tried to strangle myself. I vaguely remember it.

Abilify is starting to sound better. Abilify or brain fog on Lamictal? I can’t decide. Sometimes, I do wonder if he’d be better off without me. I often think I’d be better off without myself.

Current Mood Rating:
4.9

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6 Comments

  1. Gianna said,

    May 12, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    I’m sorry dear Marissa. I know what it feels like to think your spouse would be better off without you. I also know what it feels like to want to die.
    It sounds like you were disassociating if you don’t really remember what happened. Has that happened before?
    I will pray for you. I think of you everyday.
    love to you,
    G

  2. Stephany said,

    May 12, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Oh Marissa, I’m sorry this is so hard right now, I am thinking of you, and just know you are not alone in feeling this way. Your husband as well as everyone else in your life is fortunate to have you in it, I know I am.
    Please take care,
    Stephany

  3. May 12, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Marissa, Sending you prayers, love, and hugs. If I could, I’d send you a ton of brownies right now. Chocolate does work miracles. πŸ˜‰
    Wish I could give you a hug in person because I think that’s what you need right now. ((((Marissa)))

  4. Jim said,

    May 12, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    Marissa, please stay with us. The world is better and more interesting with you in it.

  5. Nancie said,

    May 13, 2008 at 2:00 am

    Dear Marissa,
    I am praying for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Sorry to know of the difficult time you have gone through.
    Maybe see your pdoc if necessary, to find out if the medicine is causing you problem.
    Do know that God loves you and you are precious to God and your husband, your family and friends, and us too in this blogger world.
    Don’t give up. There is hope and help. Hope you feel better soon!
    Hugs and prayers,
    Nancie

  6. Samantha said,

    May 13, 2008 at 9:01 am

    Marissa,
    I’m glad you are still with us. Thank you for your honest post.
    Peace.


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